owing

What amuses me most: you have cleaned... how many toilets of mine since I have moved out? To me, this is unending owing. I hate cleaning my own toilets (thank goodness for those little miracle brushes), though I do so thinking of you: shocked that you have the habit of cleaning them without special tools, without gloves. I shudder to think, and must move on, hoping I can be a bit more cleanly on my next move-out, hoping my next move-out doesn't happen for eons.

Tonight, another good friend got married. Another beautiful bride, another beautiful ceremony, and so much happiness as it all occurred... I remember as the pastor said to us: it's not just today that you need to be here for the couple, but watch them grow and help them.

I think of how many people we all have that love us, that want the best for us. I think of how fiercely I want the best for you (for Emily, for so many that I love).

And tonight, I realized: five weeks from my own wedding day.

I also thought of this: Emily's friends have been so accepting of me, so welcoming, so curious about who I am (they told me she's mentioned me a handful of times, so of course, natural curiosity). And I also think of how I am such a naturally jealous person, how your new friends have always made me mildly leery and how I began to meet people you've mentioned, realizing how wonderful they are. Think of Michelle! My goodness, I'm so glad you've introduced me to her! And Monette, such a good attendant... and I realize this: the people who have welcomed me into Emily's life have done so because I clearly love her, clearly care about her, clearly value her friendship.

And so here I am, in my own humble way, trying to do the same to you: anyone who wants to enter your life, who loves you as I think you deserve to be loved, as I think people like Michelle and Monette (and others) do, I hope I can find a way to be as good to them as I think Em's friends have been to me. Here I lay down that silly gauntlet of jealousy.

We are a jealous species, you and I. I think that means we love each other, though sometimes it's a very silly way of showing it. :)